12.31.24
I always find myself looking back on the calendar year in search of one word to best sum it up, regardless of how vast my experience reached. 2023 was the year of growth, and 2022 the year of independence. After bouncing between several different words (crazy being the most prominent), I've decided that 2024 has been the year of self-actualization.
That isn't to say that I've reached a point where I feel actualized- if anything, I feel the exact opposite. I bounced back and forth between states of chaos and calm more than I ever have before, and my future feels just as uncertain as ever. I've been really starting to think about my life after Miami and what (and where) that might entail. It's so incredibly hard to part with a place that has housed so much of the most memorable moments of my life, and I've been fighting to keep myself close to all of these things while I still can.
I reached higher highs and lower lows this year than any other point in my life. I've felt very far away from myself for a lot of the past few months, and there have been many moments where I felt like I was sabotaging my own well-being. I've always known that all I ever wanted to do was make music, but so much of my brain power this year was used on trying to figure out exactly what that type of music is and how to successfully do the whole music thing. I realize now that I don't feel much closer to knowing those answers, but I also am starting to grasp that I'll be spending the rest of my life trying to uncover them.
Releasing music is hard. I knew it would be a logistical challenge to compile all of my favorite songs I've written and go through all of the steps to get all of my ideas out into the world, but I had no idea how much of an emotional toll it can take to see a piece of you exist outside of yourself. I expected there to be a wave of relief once it was released into the world, but that never really came. For years, I would go out to bars with my other writer friends and I never had anything to show to anyone we met, but now I get to say that I have a whole project, which is pretty nice, but it definitely didn't affect me as much as I thought it would. I still felt the need to create more, and that emotional release never came for me.
I'll never be able to wrap my mind around the fact that I released Projections this year. I've always been an album-over-playlist person, and I always knew that I wanted to put out an debut album as opposed to any standalone singles or EPs. It was a massive undertaking, and I would probably do just about everything differently if I were to make a project now (👀), but the naïveté and curiosity that version of myself had created a piece of work that I look back on with so much love and compassion.
I honestly have no idea what's in store for 2025. I simultaneously feel farther and closer to myself than I ever have before. I've always been one for setting resolutions and creating goals for the new year, but this year, I think my ultimate goal is just to embrace the process. Instead of creating impossible expectations for myself, I'm hoping to prioritize connecting with the world and people around me and growing in any way I can.
See you soon!
- logan
No comments:
Post a Comment